Do

Talk about signs you’ve noticed or respond to what they’ve told you:

• Move to a quiet place that is free from distractions and interruptions.
• Be calm and patient, let the child or young person go at their own pace.
• Ask open ended questions and let the child or young person answer in their own words
• Let the child know that telling you was brave and you’re pleased that they did.
• Let them know that they have done nothing wrong and that you will do your best to keep them safe.
• Use language that is easy to understand.

Don’t

The messages you send are vital, avoid blaming, minimising, or frightening the child or young person:

• Avoid quizzing or judging the child or young person.
• Don’t tell your child to get over it, or suggest that telling you was a problem.
• Avoid suggesting that you blame them or yourself.
• Avoid making promises about the future or confidentiality that you can’t keep.
• Don’t use a purely medical approach, as this will leave the child or young person with multiple unmet needs.

Engage with the child or young person’s hobbies or favourite activities. This may seem small but it sends a message that what their wants are important to you. This allows for bonding as well as confidence building.

If you’re a working with the child or young person, it’s important to show that you’re consistent and dependable, by being on time and engaged.

Be open and include children and young people in decisions that affect them. Including them in their own recovery is a confidence builder and allows their sense of agency to recover after abuse.